"Going round and round and... working out that IRA thing..."

The semester I studied abroad in London, I had an art history class taught by a former curator of the British Museum. To respect his privacy, I won't give his name, but he shared it with an astronaut and an Irish revolutionary (I figure that's enough to identify him without this turning up unexpectedly in a Google search).

Like I said, he was apparently the curator of the British Museum and did fairly well-respected work while he was there; I point this out to contrast it to the sort of things he'd say during class while discussing fine art. I wrote down everything I could so that I'd have proof later, and I'm posting it with the works in question so if you're familiar with it (or feel like looking it up) you can see exactly how much of a tangent he was going off on every time.

Eugène Delacroix - Self Portrait

"I mean, I'm not a woman, but i find him very sexy."

"One would go out with him."

"The way the nostril is drawn suggests he's in command."

"Even if you're a man, you want to kiss him."

--Incidentally, he had a strange tendency to describe people of both genders as being "very kissable." That came up often enough that i didn't bother to write them all down.--

Eugène Delacroix - The July Revolution

"There is something strangely sexy about confrontation, if you're fighting on the correct side"

"Why hasn't she got a bra on?"

William Blake - Songs of Innocence

"Innocence means you don't wear clothes."

William Blake - The Ancient of Days

"He thinks sex is a good thing, which it is. Wait, I shouldn't say that. Blake thinks sex is a good thing."

"In Paris, if I want to see a prostitute... which I don't..."

Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot - Woman in Blue

"Usually men have sexy forearms..."

Gustave Courbet - The Artist's Studio

"One of the best results of drawing the female form is that you often sleep with the female form."

Honoré Daumier - The Heavy Burden

"Doing heavy washing by day and having lots of sex at night does tire you."

Edouard Manet - Dejeurner Sur L'Herbe

"I'm fascinated by pornography in the 19th century..."

Edouard Manet - Olympia

"What's the upside of prostitution? You can make a lot of money out of it."

"There's good sex and bad sex, right?"

"...which are all good examples of gentle sado-masochistic sex, very gentle, not at all dangerous..."

Edouard Manet - Nana

"Men are always sexual slaves."

"Women are very strange too, sexually, not just men."

"It's like cooking, they're jolly good at it, and they're pretty good at sex as well."

Claude Monet - La Grenouillere

"Naughty naughty, topless men..."

"We've all seen Baywatch, and much, much worse..."

"...but if you're nice to her, she'll sleep with you. That's French culture."

"...this rather prettily-bottomed girl over here..."

Claude Monet - Waterlillies

"And we've got this orgiastic sense of color..."

"Panavision! That's the baby, well done!"

Auguste Renoir - Moulin de la Galette

"When the sun is bright, you feel horny, don't you?"

"...bright, warm light makes us feel horny..."

"...and frankly, I've never seen more kissable faces in the history of art."

Paul Cézanne - Man in a Blue Hat

"Imagine a naked figure at the front of the room... er, someone other than me..."

Paul Cézanne - Rocky Landscape

"They remind one of cubes of sugar or whatever, but no, they're cubes of rock."

Georges Seurat - La Grande Jatte <-the painting in Ferris Bueller

"Even her butt is very much like the butt of a monkey, isn't it?"

"You know, the french like arse and butt jokes much more than we do."

Georges Seurat - Le Chahut (= "the can-can")

"...particularly because the middle classes weren't much good at sex, and the prostitutes knew that."

Vincent Van Gogh - The Cafe

"Van Gogh was weak, and he was also ugly."

Paul Gauguin - Daydreaming

"If you want to go to the Garden of Eden, you want what the Garden of Eden was all about: perfect sex, twenty-four hours a day."

Paul Gauguin - Nevermore

"It's taken us until about 1890 to get to painting what we do every day, which is have sex."

"No woman has a flower inside her, believe me."

"...the penile gourd"

(talking about a raven) "It's the old dick-bird, you know, man lives by his dick... again, don't write this down."

Paul Gauguin - Faa ih eihe

"...the castration complexes of the 1890's..."

"His dick has led him astray. No, don't write this down."