"They look like they should be Lincoln Logs. You should just start stacking them." - January '07 to September '07
"Santiago, I know you're love-struck, but what can I do to penetrate you?" -my advisor
"You hook them, like Elise, and then you spank them." -Doc
"I'm still stuck on the strap-on." -Marni
"The hard life of Gina." -Marni
"It's like living with a retard. 'She's licking the ketchup again!'" -Gina
LizS: well i gotta blow dry my shoe
"That was a fun night until we got arrested." -Kestner
"I dunno, I've had some fun times I don't remember." -Kestner
"Oh, we're having a boob orgy with the dollar bill." -RebeccaH
"If I let you take this dollar, can I sing a song?" -Gina with a single down her shirt
"Of course, it all depends on your opinion of popcorn in my crotch." -Gina
"Depends on how... omnivorous you are." -RebeccaH
"I knew a girl in high school who, if you looked quickly or from far away, she looked like she had Downs Syndrome... BUT SHE DIDN'T. We called her 'Downsy'." -Gina
"It's actually quite normal for me to wake up with no pants on." -Gina
"Robe does not equal pants, Dan." -Gina
"I can't look at your leaning cow and still play." -Kristine
"When you're drunk enough to do anything that moves, you're slut-drunk." -John
"I have to warm up my breasts." -John massaging himself before beer pong
"I wasn't feeling her up, I was making fake nipples!" -Jen
"Alan will suck anything that lands on the table." - Tara
"Uh... I have to disagree." -Alan
"Vaginas unite!" -Jen
"Ew. That's kinda gross. I don't want to picture that." -Alan
"Thanks, Melissa. This is how people get pinkeye." -MikeI when Green's camera battery died
"All I really need is a white jumpsuit and a BeDazzler." -Princeton Chrissy
"I'm right in the middle of New York... slightly south." -Green, in Princeton
"Let me guess. There's no inside bathroom, is there?" -me
"There is. It's outside." -MikeI
"Yay, I'm the birthday wench!" -Rebecca H
"You're not popular enough to be different." -Doc to an incoming first-year
"Nobody does travel like Cara, ok? I have slept with so many of my students over the years. ...that's why Pat graduated so quickly." -Doc
"...the hell is going on here?"
"There's obviously something dreadfully wrong here. What is going on?" -Industry contact, trying to help troubleshoot a problem
"Dan, I love you like I love beer." -Rebecca H
"Fellatio is illegal in Georgia, cunnilingus is not." -Rebecca H
"F---." -KmV
"So Molly has spent I don't know HOW many family gatherings practicing drinking wine with a split hoof." -KmV
"I don't want fellatio, I want flowers!" -KmV
"Ah, we're on to the cooler conversation." -JD
"Hey, nothing's cooler than Star Wars." -Spam
"Star Trek." -Diana
"You want me here!" -Katie
"I don't care whether you're here or not." -Mom
"Somebody stole the magic wand!" -EJ
"THAT was MY magic wand." -Aunt Laurie
"It's like you're in a fairy land." -EJ
"She almost looked glazed." -Mom
"She almost looked like Howdy Doody. No, that was a compliment. She looked wide-eyed." -Dad, about a bride
"Yeah, I did Amazon, it was much more reasonable. It allowed me to get your finger puppets and a giant yeast." -KmV
"That tower is like all Jesus and shit." -JMurphy talking about 5 cups stacked in a pitcher
"I'm Mexican, we shouldn't BE in Chicago." -Gina
"That's like the maximum capacity of my ass." -Gina
"I'll rent the U-Haul, you hit the preacher." -Diana to me
"I want a transvestite at my wedding." -Katie C
"Yours has more length, but mine has a little more girth." -Gina
"Actually, you know what I learned today from the Charlie Manson special?" -Lynn
"Why do you hang out with a moldy sandwich?" -KmV
"All my blankets smell of nudity." - Kestner
"You know what's hilarious? Testicles. They're funny, I'm serious!" -JMurphy
"You're actually gonna drive home? Oh yeah, carbomb for me!" -Diana to Susan
"Want to hear a racist joke by Stewie Griffin? Which Latin country are you from, the one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?" -Adam W.
"Which one has the funny hats?" -Gina
Teresa: i told joe i want detachable breasts so she can just take one and drink to her heart's content
Teresa: i think that freaked out joe
"So maybe it was the pickle-sharing that made me feel better..." -KmV
Auto response from green:
"I'm gonna bribe the officials
I'm gonna kill all the judges
It's gonna take you people years
To recover from all of the damage
Happy Birthday Crowley, you sexy beast, you."
"The professor said you'd get extra credit for listening to the podcasts. I was like, Podcasts?" -Lydia
"Like on iTunes." -Joanna
"Yeah, I've heard of them, but that's like what nerdy people do..."
"They're marching down the hill and all you see is ab after ab after ab... and I was like oh my gosh!" -Joanna
"This suddenly wound up like a Sex & the City episode... and Dan wound up being Charlotte." -KmV
"I do not need a butthole reference on Friday night!" -Molly
Gina: SO I TOLD CHELE I THOUGH (anonymized) WAS HOT
Gina: SHE LAUGHED AT ME
"And regardless of what life throws at you, it does not mean you have to throw a drink back." -KmV
"I'm technically stupid, so you have to be nice to me." -KmV
"Ok, there's this place in LA called Big Wangs..." -Sean
"The potato can talk. It's telepathetic." -Sean
"We should go double-team someone. I've never had a threesome." -Chris W. to Lana
"This is the bar of cleavage-eating." -Rebecca
"I won a f-ing arm wrestling competition TWICE tonight!" -Lynn
"You're a f-ing slut, Lynn." -Allison
"I'm a dork because I'm drunk and alone? No no no, that just means I'm not easy!" -KmV
kat: but lots of sex! = yay!
"Just the head of it, though, with the stick broken off, because otherwise it would be kind of hard to fit in the nightstand drawer." -KmV talking about Swiffers
GINA: doooooode
me: yo?
GINA: i miss guys
GINA: girls suck
Teresa: hey, doing nothing is often the nicest thing possible
Teresa: i like to mix it up occasionally with "doing very little" ;)
"Because a fully functioning toilet is crucial for crew morale." - Emily C.'s MDRS Commander report
"That could be kind of fun." -KmV
"If done properly." -me
"Well, I would think that if NOT done properly, I would be clothed and hurt." -KmV
"Holy cow, my hair is wingin' like a mo-fo on the right side." -Sean
green: you restore my faith in men, crowley.
"Pardon the grunting, I'm eating crackers." -KmV
"I've never picked up a girl at a bar." -Jason K.
"Neither have I." -me
"I know a guy who did, and he got, um... herpes." -Tanner
"There you go. It's like the six degrees of Kevin Spacey." -KmV
"You're an aberration." -KmV
Teresa: apparently it's due to some other lady, looking over this lady's shoulder
Teresa: so - new person to punch :)
Teresa: and she's pregnant :)
Teresa: i'm more pregnant than her though ;)
Teresa: so i win :)
"Don't make me fling my cauliflower at you." -Katie McV
"That's not Kool-Aid! That's vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with food coloring!" -some girl Jeff gave a sip of his drink to at Mardi Gras
"I put my inflatable penis under a girl's arm." -Ryan
"My first thought was, that's a really unattractive girl." -Pirate upon seeing a police horse
"Jesus was a Jew, that's why he's better than you." -some guy at Mardi Gras
"You'd think the naked f-ing bitches would change from year to year, but they don't." -Ryan
"Hola!"
"Como estas!"
"Me llamo Katie! It is my turn,"
"HOLA!"
"...to leave you a drunken message, and I am here with Molly who is saying Hola. Um, we hope you are muy borracho and having a fabulous time..."
"en New ORLEENS!"
"in New Orleans, and,"
"SEEEENYOR DAAAN!"
"and drinking whiskey , and Molly hopes that Seenyor Dan has been doing,"
"MUY BIEN!"
"...the same, and she says muy bien, and apparently Molly (made... with the dance), I don't know how I feel about that, but I like you more than she does. Molly says I have something else, I'm pretty sure i don't know the word for it in spanish, but you get the picture. anyhow, hope you're having a fabulous..."
"DRUNK!"
"...evening. ADIOS, MUCHACHO!"
-Katie & Molly, Saturday night of Mardi Gras
"Nobody wants to eat my sauce ever." -Gina
"I can't squeeze. It's too big, my hand doesn't fit around it." -Marni with her hand in my lap
"It would be sort of sexy silence, because it would be determined." -KmV
"It's the thuggest, gayest place in existence! It's like prison." -Ryan about Bulldogs
"Nancy Pelosi, I'm getting your ass f-ed up. Drink, bitch, drink!" -Gina
"Hey, focus! We're having a conversation here! We're having a conversation about Bhuan's genetalia!" -Gina
"Oh, she's a skank." -Mere
"Who is?" -Gina
"Nancy Pelosi."
"I want you to think about the lady-sips I take, and what it means for the radius." -Duffey
"Better not get your hairy body near my brisket!" -Duffey to Belle
"Eat me. This is my show, I'll play what I want to, damnit." -Chris R. at Limerick
"Siobhan? That's Irish, motherf-er!" -some blonde
"It's one of the few places she can tell people she's a doctor and not frighten them off, Kentucky." -KatieMcV
"Dan, he's TRAINED. I trained him to eat out of my cleavage. What are you writing? What are you writing? What are you writing?" -RebeccaH
"Between my mother and my mother-in-law, that's why I drink." -Tara's mom
"It's good you're not a friend of my dad's or my sister's, because if you were dead or married, that would make the whole thing CONSIDERABLY more bizarre." -KatieMcV
"I was contemplating what my hair looked like in Africa." -KatieMcV
Text Messages:
"Oh there's a whole Bagel Fest in Mattoon IL cuz Lenders is there." - ErinC
"Man, I just made a dead baby joke the other day." -green
"I heart your love of the scientific method :-)" -kmv
"She knows that now. Buffy time now! Talk to you in a bit." -KmV
"If you get bored later, feel free to call. I'll be here... on the floor." -KmV
"oh f---, am drunk" - green
"crowley, courtney just got into a cab with a sketchy blonde guy. please advise" - snow
"not sure WHAT i text messaged you last night. however, given that I'd like to die right now, I bet it was good. :-)" -kmv
"according to the bathroom wall, you're the person to call for a cheap feel." -kmv
"Charlie weis doin 7th inning stretch - he sings as well as i can dance" - kestner
"Are they wasted? Go beer! Beat nerds!" -Kat
"not really. too busy starting tickle fights with the other naked girls in the locker room" - green
"ma na ma na. damnit" - snow
"you couldn't quote in order, asshole. i'm busy shaking my groove thang, now" -green
"Screw your friends! home and drunk now!" -kat
"I'm stuck on a train stopped by the canadian police because a crazy woman is crawling around on the tracks." -ErinC
(i ask how far into canada she is)
"Like 10 miles. We are finally moving again. They must have caught her, eh?"
(i suggest they just left her there and started the train again, and asked if she'd felt it go over any big bumps)
"You're terrible! But yes, one bump..."
"Where are you! You have the keys Damn it!" -Varos after I'd been drunk and missing for a few hours at Mardi Gras
"You hook them, like Elise, and then you spank them." -Doc
"I'm still stuck on the strap-on." -Marni
"The hard life of Gina." -Marni
"It's like living with a retard. 'She's licking the ketchup again!'" -Gina
LizS: well i gotta blow dry my shoe
"That was a fun night until we got arrested." -Kestner
"I dunno, I've had some fun times I don't remember." -Kestner
"Oh, we're having a boob orgy with the dollar bill." -RebeccaH
"If I let you take this dollar, can I sing a song?" -Gina with a single down her shirt
"Of course, it all depends on your opinion of popcorn in my crotch." -Gina
"Depends on how... omnivorous you are." -RebeccaH
"I knew a girl in high school who, if you looked quickly or from far away, she looked like she had Downs Syndrome... BUT SHE DIDN'T. We called her 'Downsy'." -Gina
"It's actually quite normal for me to wake up with no pants on." -Gina
"Robe does not equal pants, Dan." -Gina
"I can't look at your leaning cow and still play." -Kristine
"When you're drunk enough to do anything that moves, you're slut-drunk." -John
"I have to warm up my breasts." -John massaging himself before beer pong
"I wasn't feeling her up, I was making fake nipples!" -Jen
"Alan will suck anything that lands on the table." - Tara
"Uh... I have to disagree." -Alan
"Vaginas unite!" -Jen
"Ew. That's kinda gross. I don't want to picture that." -Alan
"Thanks, Melissa. This is how people get pinkeye." -MikeI when Green's camera battery died
"All I really need is a white jumpsuit and a BeDazzler." -Princeton Chrissy
"I'm right in the middle of New York... slightly south." -Green, in Princeton
"Let me guess. There's no inside bathroom, is there?" -me
"There is. It's outside." -MikeI
"Yay, I'm the birthday wench!" -Rebecca H
"You're not popular enough to be different." -Doc to an incoming first-year
"Nobody does travel like Cara, ok? I have slept with so many of my students over the years. ...that's why Pat graduated so quickly." -Doc
"...the hell is going on here?"
"There's obviously something dreadfully wrong here. What is going on?" -Industry contact, trying to help troubleshoot a problem
"Dan, I love you like I love beer." -Rebecca H
"Fellatio is illegal in Georgia, cunnilingus is not." -Rebecca H
"F---." -KmV
"So Molly has spent I don't know HOW many family gatherings practicing drinking wine with a split hoof." -KmV
"I don't want fellatio, I want flowers!" -KmV
"Ah, we're on to the cooler conversation." -JD
"Hey, nothing's cooler than Star Wars." -Spam
"Star Trek." -Diana
"You want me here!" -Katie
"I don't care whether you're here or not." -Mom
"Somebody stole the magic wand!" -EJ
"THAT was MY magic wand." -Aunt Laurie
"It's like you're in a fairy land." -EJ
"She almost looked glazed." -Mom
"She almost looked like Howdy Doody. No, that was a compliment. She looked wide-eyed." -Dad, about a bride
"Yeah, I did Amazon, it was much more reasonable. It allowed me to get your finger puppets and a giant yeast." -KmV
"That tower is like all Jesus and shit." -JMurphy talking about 5 cups stacked in a pitcher
"I'm Mexican, we shouldn't BE in Chicago." -Gina
"That's like the maximum capacity of my ass." -Gina
"I'll rent the U-Haul, you hit the preacher." -Diana to me
"I want a transvestite at my wedding." -Katie C
"Yours has more length, but mine has a little more girth." -Gina
"Actually, you know what I learned today from the Charlie Manson special?" -Lynn
"Why do you hang out with a moldy sandwich?" -KmV
"All my blankets smell of nudity." - Kestner
"You know what's hilarious? Testicles. They're funny, I'm serious!" -JMurphy
"You're actually gonna drive home? Oh yeah, carbomb for me!" -Diana to Susan
"Want to hear a racist joke by Stewie Griffin? Which Latin country are you from, the one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?" -Adam W.
"Which one has the funny hats?" -Gina
Teresa: i told joe i want detachable breasts so she can just take one and drink to her heart's content
Teresa: i think that freaked out joe
"So maybe it was the pickle-sharing that made me feel better..." -KmV
Auto response from green:
"I'm gonna bribe the officials
I'm gonna kill all the judges
It's gonna take you people years
To recover from all of the damage
Happy Birthday Crowley, you sexy beast, you."
"The professor said you'd get extra credit for listening to the podcasts. I was like, Podcasts?" -Lydia
"Like on iTunes." -Joanna
"Yeah, I've heard of them, but that's like what nerdy people do..."
"They're marching down the hill and all you see is ab after ab after ab... and I was like oh my gosh!" -Joanna
"This suddenly wound up like a Sex & the City episode... and Dan wound up being Charlotte." -KmV
"I do not need a butthole reference on Friday night!" -Molly
Gina: SO I TOLD CHELE I THOUGH (anonymized) WAS HOT
Gina: SHE LAUGHED AT ME
"And regardless of what life throws at you, it does not mean you have to throw a drink back." -KmV
"I'm technically stupid, so you have to be nice to me." -KmV
"Ok, there's this place in LA called Big Wangs..." -Sean
"The potato can talk. It's telepathetic." -Sean
"We should go double-team someone. I've never had a threesome." -Chris W. to Lana
"This is the bar of cleavage-eating." -Rebecca
"I won a f-ing arm wrestling competition TWICE tonight!" -Lynn
"You're a f-ing slut, Lynn." -Allison
"I'm a dork because I'm drunk and alone? No no no, that just means I'm not easy!" -KmV
kat: but lots of sex! = yay!
"Just the head of it, though, with the stick broken off, because otherwise it would be kind of hard to fit in the nightstand drawer." -KmV talking about Swiffers
GINA: doooooode
me: yo?
GINA: i miss guys
GINA: girls suck
Teresa: hey, doing nothing is often the nicest thing possible
Teresa: i like to mix it up occasionally with "doing very little" ;)
"Because a fully functioning toilet is crucial for crew morale." - Emily C.'s MDRS Commander report
"That could be kind of fun." -KmV
"If done properly." -me
"Well, I would think that if NOT done properly, I would be clothed and hurt." -KmV
"Holy cow, my hair is wingin' like a mo-fo on the right side." -Sean
green: you restore my faith in men, crowley.
"Pardon the grunting, I'm eating crackers." -KmV
"I've never picked up a girl at a bar." -Jason K.
"Neither have I." -me
"I know a guy who did, and he got, um... herpes." -Tanner
"There you go. It's like the six degrees of Kevin Spacey." -KmV
"You're an aberration." -KmV
Teresa: apparently it's due to some other lady, looking over this lady's shoulder
Teresa: so - new person to punch :)
Teresa: and she's pregnant :)
Teresa: i'm more pregnant than her though ;)
Teresa: so i win :)
"Don't make me fling my cauliflower at you." -Katie McV
"That's not Kool-Aid! That's vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with vodka, mixed with food coloring!" -some girl Jeff gave a sip of his drink to at Mardi Gras
"I put my inflatable penis under a girl's arm." -Ryan
"My first thought was, that's a really unattractive girl." -Pirate upon seeing a police horse
"Jesus was a Jew, that's why he's better than you." -some guy at Mardi Gras
"You'd think the naked f-ing bitches would change from year to year, but they don't." -Ryan
"Hola!"
"Como estas!"
"Me llamo Katie! It is my turn,"
"HOLA!"
"...to leave you a drunken message, and I am here with Molly who is saying Hola. Um, we hope you are muy borracho and having a fabulous time..."
"en New ORLEENS!"
"in New Orleans, and,"
"SEEEENYOR DAAAN!"
"and drinking whiskey , and Molly hopes that Seenyor Dan has been doing,"
"MUY BIEN!"
"...the same, and she says muy bien, and apparently Molly (made... with the dance), I don't know how I feel about that, but I like you more than she does. Molly says I have something else, I'm pretty sure i don't know the word for it in spanish, but you get the picture. anyhow, hope you're having a fabulous..."
"DRUNK!"
"...evening. ADIOS, MUCHACHO!"
-Katie & Molly, Saturday night of Mardi Gras
"Nobody wants to eat my sauce ever." -Gina
"I can't squeeze. It's too big, my hand doesn't fit around it." -Marni with her hand in my lap
"It would be sort of sexy silence, because it would be determined." -KmV
"It's the thuggest, gayest place in existence! It's like prison." -Ryan about Bulldogs
"Nancy Pelosi, I'm getting your ass f-ed up. Drink, bitch, drink!" -Gina
"Hey, focus! We're having a conversation here! We're having a conversation about Bhuan's genetalia!" -Gina
"Oh, she's a skank." -Mere
"Who is?" -Gina
"Nancy Pelosi."
"I want you to think about the lady-sips I take, and what it means for the radius." -Duffey
"Better not get your hairy body near my brisket!" -Duffey to Belle
"Eat me. This is my show, I'll play what I want to, damnit." -Chris R. at Limerick
"Siobhan? That's Irish, motherf-er!" -some blonde
"It's one of the few places she can tell people she's a doctor and not frighten them off, Kentucky." -KatieMcV
"Dan, he's TRAINED. I trained him to eat out of my cleavage. What are you writing? What are you writing? What are you writing?" -RebeccaH
"Between my mother and my mother-in-law, that's why I drink." -Tara's mom
"It's good you're not a friend of my dad's or my sister's, because if you were dead or married, that would make the whole thing CONSIDERABLY more bizarre." -KatieMcV
"I was contemplating what my hair looked like in Africa." -KatieMcV
Text Messages:
"Oh there's a whole Bagel Fest in Mattoon IL cuz Lenders is there." - ErinC
"Man, I just made a dead baby joke the other day." -green
"I heart your love of the scientific method :-)" -kmv
"She knows that now. Buffy time now! Talk to you in a bit." -KmV
"If you get bored later, feel free to call. I'll be here... on the floor." -KmV
"oh f---, am drunk" - green
"crowley, courtney just got into a cab with a sketchy blonde guy. please advise" - snow
"not sure WHAT i text messaged you last night. however, given that I'd like to die right now, I bet it was good. :-)" -kmv
"according to the bathroom wall, you're the person to call for a cheap feel." -kmv
"Charlie weis doin 7th inning stretch - he sings as well as i can dance" - kestner
"Are they wasted? Go beer! Beat nerds!" -Kat
"not really. too busy starting tickle fights with the other naked girls in the locker room" - green
"ma na ma na. damnit" - snow
"you couldn't quote in order, asshole. i'm busy shaking my groove thang, now" -green
"Screw your friends! home and drunk now!" -kat
"I'm stuck on a train stopped by the canadian police because a crazy woman is crawling around on the tracks." -ErinC
(i ask how far into canada she is)
"Like 10 miles. We are finally moving again. They must have caught her, eh?"
(i suggest they just left her there and started the train again, and asked if she'd felt it go over any big bumps)
"You're terrible! But yes, one bump..."
"Where are you! You have the keys Damn it!" -Varos after I'd been drunk and missing for a few hours at Mardi Gras
posted by DCrowley at 11:38 PM
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