"So yeah, I saw Paul Hornung drop his pants today." - August '06 to January '07
New Year's Eve in DC:
"You didn't have your Wii strap on." -Erin
"My roommates and I gave each other Hungry Chickens. It was awesome."
-Bridget
"Erin, your ass smells like ass." -me
"My ass smells delicious!" -Erin
"Ohhhhhh... I need to stretch before doing the wii." -Erin
"Your wii should not be smaller than my wii!" -Erin
"Let's watch some sexual crimes!" -Erin
"I love you. I love AAAHHHH, oh my GOD your elbows are sharp!" -Snow
"Wait 'til you see what my wii can do!" -Erin
"...'Cause I remember being like, ha ha, he's wearing a dickie, and then I don't remember anything else." -Erin
"Did anybody get my joke?" -Erin
"Was it about sex?" -me
"Yes! Sex is funny! ...maybe that means I'm not having the right kind." -Erin
"Can't wait for THAT to be broadcast to the universe." -Snow
"Jaeger's a little harder to get down recently, you noticed that?" -Sean
"Haven't really had it recently." -me
"It might be because I threw up one time from it."
"They're not actively sucking, they're passively sucking." -me
"My head now hurts." -John
"A foamy foot just can't be healthy." -Tara
KatieMcV: well, the baby had to get drunk somehow
"And (anonymized) was like, where does the dildo go?" -Green describing the planning of someone's bachelorette party
"You just said you would jump (anonymized)'s bones... but you think me threatening to kill you sounds dirty?" -me
"And I was like, what does it taste like when I shove this in there?" -Gina
"Guys love me, it's horrible." -Kestner
"Are you just getting home from school now?" -KatieM
"No, I'm just getting home from the bar now." -me
"Oh, right, it's Tuesday."
"Ok, this is an original song called Hell No. It's about some douchebag hitting on my sister and there was nothing I could do about it... except write this song." -guy performing at Limerick
"So if you walk into his basement, which is enormous, there are dead animals everywhere." -KatieM
Thanksgiving in LA
"This other woman is giving up her eternal life for you, and you're piddling around with some Aryan c---?" -Claire watching RoTK
"Boots, are you yakking?" -me
"No, I have turkey caught in my esophagus." -B
"Oh, we definitely took advantage of the turkey. It was violated in very many ways." -Caitlin
"I want something sweet in my mouth." -Claire
"We couldn't get it to spread its legs to rinse out the insides, so we really had to work on it a little bit." -Caitlin
"Ok, after you take the turkey out of the trash can, you kinda put it in this little trash bag thing that's not really a trash bag, but more like a turkey bag." -Caitlin
"It looked like somebody puked into the trash can, so we took a picture of it." -Caitlin
"My first thought was your cooter, I don't know why." -Sean
"Maybe this is why I have problems with women, I can't find the vagina." -Sean
"Honey, this is my knee." -Caitlin
"Can I just say, high five! Booter nuzzled your breasts, and that was awesome!" - Grundy
"There are a lot of asses in this room I could kick right now, I'm just saying." -Caitlin
"Oh (anonymized), I don't have the patience to talk to you right now. I'm sure you want sex." -Claire
"Sorry, I was gonna burp and greet Booter, but now you're in the way." -Claire
"It's still a twelve year old kid and a fifteen year old kid trying to beat off the witch." -Sean
"I just wish this was as crispy as your bacon." -Claire
"Awww, I almost got creamer in her bosom." -Sean about Caitlin
"I hope I'm not pregnant." -Claire
"Claire, I don't think I could handle that." -Booter
"YOU couldn't handle that?! I'd rip the f---ing thing out of my stomach and throw it at you."
"Caitlin, I'm a girl, it's ok." -Booter
"I know, I'm a dude." -Caitlin
"Note to self: in the future, put on makeup BEFORE you start drinking." -Claire
"She persists in looking like a rabbit." -Caitlin
"That just kind of popped out faster than I thought it would." -Caitlin
"I think I'm gonna drop a deuce, do you wanna play poker?" -Sean
"I used to club my sable." -Sean
"Can we hold these comments until Claire does not have things in her mouth that will make her choke?" -Claire
Claire comments on feeling alienated at the party
"I felt the same way until I got drunk." -Caitlin
"That's Booter fingering the turkey." -Caitlin
"Remember the week before you graduated, when I almost got meat stuck in my throat again?" -Sean
"That's a good story! And that's the Goodyear Blimp!" -Caitlin
"You could poop on his floor." -Caitlin
"Oh, the idea of pooping Flatow and Scruff..." -Claire
"All you need is a short skirt and some pompoms." - a passing stewardess to Sean as he jigged outside LAX
"Am I missing two? I should have twelve. Oh, I do have twelve. For the record, I counted sixteen." -me setting up shotglass checkers after a powerhour
"Pound it. I'll pound it." -Sean
"I'm still gonna eat your pumpkin pie." -me
"Damn you."
"We had like ten beers each, didn't we?"
"Exactly ten."
"Is that counting the Red Hook?"
"...No, not counting the Red Hook. Only the cans."
"Is that counting the margarita?"
"Nope."
"Nice."
"Maybe you and all your little engineering friends will make fun of me 'cause I don't get it, but... I don't get it." -Gina
"I HAVE peed in some odd places, though." -Gina
"I think I left my outfit in your hotel room." -Gina to Pamela
"I wouldn't mind being the thing he's in the middle of." -Gina
"...and I ended up having to kill Kermit the Frog, because he was trying to kill me." -Adam describing a dream he had when he was about 6
"In a lot of ways, I hate you, but I love you." -Gina to me
"It's 'cause you're limber." -Adam to me
"We replaced him with a cardboard cutout of Natalie Portman. One of the guys who lived up the street had one, I don't know why." -Me
"I know why." -Adam
"There's no excuse to have three-on-one action." -Adam
"I've gotta wait 'til he finishes there... PENIS!" -Adam
"The force exerted by the male on the female..." -Part of someone's discussion of sex, complete with sinusoidal graphs (some showing decay)
"Dan, would you have ever considered a discussion on sex with that many graphs?" -Gina
Post-quals
"Derive for me the speed of smell." -Hernando
"I gave your MOM the speed of smell!" -Ian
and
"If the cops stop you, you're gonna say you're what?" -Hernando
"Drunk as shit." -Ian
"Keeping this up is the hardest part."
"It's about to break."
"People keep punching it." -Shuo about his costume's "switch"
After F-18's did their flyby over the stadium and our tailgate
"Raise your hand if you just got a boner." -Steve
"Whooooo! The reigning kegstand champion! (turns to champion) Where's your wife?" -some big guy dressed like Harry Potter
"Actually, we specifically remember you two going at it with a big group of people." -Matt to T/Joe abt wedding video
"Things get crazy with Kat & Matt." -T
"Like every picture I have with Dan is my ass right up next to his face." -Quynh
Waitress at restaurant changes tv from GT/Clemson game to baseball:
"What are you doing?!" -customer
"World Series!" -waitress
"No!"
"Jesus!"
text from Animal
"Crowly your dad looks so much like you my head just exploded --animal"
"Your dad doesn't look THAT much like... like not HEAD-EXPLODING like you." -Kat
"I would love to roofie all of you and make you all go back and pass out so I can go to sleep too." -Katie
"I've been married four months and no babies yet." -Kat
"That's like God hating you." -Kim
"Are you ok, Kim?" -Kat
"Paul's shushing me." -Kim
"Fuck Paul." -Kat
"In the middle here are these ghastly things, and they do unspeakable things to your neutrons." -Cassiano
kat: no
kat: no backer after wedding
me: before?
kat: and given that wedding is at 9am, no backer before
kat: I did that before T's wedding
me: oh, you can just leave early :)
kat: I cannot
me: suuuure you can :)
kat: I cannot leave the backer early
kat: will not
me: :)
kat: which you know damn well
me: oh, you'll be fine this time
kat: don't even
kat: I know you're a bad influence
me: baaaaaaacker
me: "...never even call me by myyy naaay-eeeeem"
kat: I'm getting M*A*R*R*I*E*D!
me: "...cause at least I know I'm freeeeee..."
kat: believe me, this and being in labor are about the only times when I refuse to consider 'backer
"...do you think a gig is enough?"
"A gig should be fine."
"And then upgrade the hard drive..." -sideline chatter during the flag football game between my lab and a rival lab
"So was I arguing with you about something, or was I telling you about my dad's job?" -Erin C
"I'm raising my cup up. We're at your... we're at your two o'clock to your left." -Kestner helping me find the group at the highlands Octoberfest
"Two o'clock to your left makes no sense, asshole." -me
"It's like Imax, but with scotch." -Kestner's reaction to the Johnny Walker "journery experience"
KatieM: I have some very lovely jiggers
"That's one of my pubes." -Alan
"Babe, take my tampons out of your nose." -Jen to Alan
"See, I don't have a penis hole to do that." -Jen
"Is it infected?" -Tara
"I don't see any red lines headed towards your heart yet." -John
"I heard something about a hooker." -me
"May I hold one of Alan's balls?" -John
"No, you may not." -Tara
"I love you, but your nipples are wet." -Jen
"Hairy nipples do not affect me." -Jen
"Look whose f---ing nipples are all wet." -Jen
"We didn't grope, we pseudo-groped." -Jen
"It was softcore porn." -Alan
"Hello!" -some girl
"Avast! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day!" -some guy
"Oh god."
"You remember that long story I didn't tell you yesterday?" -me
"No." -Kat
"The one I didn't tell you."
"Oh, yeah yeah."
"I can't very well shit forward, can I?" -Shuo
"Anyways, can you do me a favor and see if you or your dad or anyone can get extra tickets for the GT game, cause we would really like to come down for that and eat your food and drink your booze, but y'know, it'll be fun. I'm just calling to see if you know anyone, put us on the list of people who are looking to get tickets, and remember you were in our wedding, so um... you owe us." -Snow's voicemail asking for ND-GT tickets
"Beer is so delicious." -Erin S.
"I'm hammered. I'm hammered, buddy! (tapping a pledge on the shoulder) I'm hammered!" -frat guy across the street from our tailgate
green: i'm easy
green: once you've earned my trust
"I thought Bermuda was like a warlock's place, I didn't think it was real." -Katie
"It's like a flux capacitor." -guy in GT library
"Like they used to have for time travel in... what's that movie called?" -girl
"Oh, HERE are my pants." -Chung at lab
lyrics in Tubey's profile for TWoP
green: oh, it's just some epic poem, right?
me: that's Billy Joel's The Stranger
Texts from people:
"Were here-the whole city smells like a wet sock" - mikey in NO,LA
Green texts me something
"Can't talk. Flying" - me
"I... am confused. are you high?"
respond with camera-phone picture out the plane's window
"You bitch. cant wait to hear about it. tonight: beer or food and beer?"
"p.s. Remind me to tell you about my dream that involved a drunk baby pouring beers" -KatieM
"I just shot gunned a beer with my grandma" -KatieM
"Hey, sorry for the late response. i simply had concerns that midtown was gay" -Adam
"GusterJust did the rap from revenge of the nerds... And had it translated into sign language" -Snow
"Lead singer of flaming lips came on stage in a hamster ball and then rolled into the crowd! Band dressed as bat man n captain america. Best. Concert. Ever." -Snow
"Soon enough i'll hit the sauce and give kestner's mom the attention she deserves." -Ryan
"lol it involved an old lady crossing the road and a corn fed harvest mouse" -Diana
"I love you dude. I mean that in a hetero way" -Sean
"Bon jovi starts on motherf---ing time, bitch." -Green
And voicemails I haven't posted yet:
Crowley , what’s up, it’s Booter, giving you a call to say hi. You know, I’m trying to give you a call before midnight this week. Ah, and I wanted a chance to touch base… I was gonna say catch-base, you know, catch up with you, touch base, I’ll pick, I’ll pick, uh… touch base, that’s kinda what I was gonna do, um, anyway I’m on my way to a worthless meeting so feel free to give me a call in the middle of it, leave me some sort of inspirational message telling me I can do it, I just need to press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. Of course, Christmas isn’t for nine months from now. But actually, if you think about it, this is theoretically when Jesus was conceived, which is not the Immaculate Conception. Of course, we don’t really know when Jesus was born, we just kinda lump it together with the secular holiday, the greek holiday of Father Christmas, but you know, we wanted to kinda create an amalgam of the two traditions. I guess you could say that Jesus was probably conceived around Lent. Which is pretty hard, considering it was Lent too. I dunno. It kind of begs the question of, could Jesus really be conceived during Lent? I mean it’s forty days of fasting, right? In theory? That’s where we get the forty days from. Well, forty days comes from a lot of the biblical stuff. And technically this was like when Jesus was, y’know, starting to do a whole bunch of stuff, but how could he be doing a whole bunch of stuff when he’s still in the womb? Or I mean, he’s just a little… maybe that’s the anti-abortion, ah, movement, is that I mean look at Jesus, he was conceived and he was already, y’know, miracles and he was crucified just a couple months later. It’s like, crazy, wow. Um. So, hope you enjoyed that. If I suddenly stop talking, a lightning bolt has come and zapped me. Although I’m in my car, so hopefully it wouldn’t totally kill me, but I think if God wanted to he... yeah, he could. I’m gonna go with that, the whole lightning bolt. Hopefully not, though, hopefully God knows I’m just kidding. Hopefully you know I was just kidding. So yeah, I just found a trend, leading random messages, so hopefully you enjoyed it. Take care, buddy. Peace.
-Booter
Alright, so I’ve been completely demasculinized because my wife is currently sitting on the couch texting everyone she knows about how she just saw Brady Quinn on the elevator, and how, and how like they were this close to making out and falling in love and running off and making lots of little strong-armed babies. So... (Erin says something) OH MY GOD, WOMAN! Jesus, you’re like... everyone she knows is getting texted! Even you! And why do you care? You’re a man. Though, you know, even men can get lost in Brady’s dreamy eyes. (Erin says something) I don’t know if my sister knows who Brady Quinn is. Jesus! I mean seriously, I’m like shrinking up as is. Anyways, hope... Oh my god, she’s seriously sending it to everyone in her phone book. Hope Mountain Goats is good, and I will probably be giving you a call tomorrow. Drop the phone, woman, come on! Someone has to love me best! Ok, bye Crowley . (Erin says something) Oh, go to hell.
-Snow
"You didn't have your Wii strap on." -Erin
"My roommates and I gave each other Hungry Chickens. It was awesome."
-Bridget
"Erin, your ass smells like ass." -me
"My ass smells delicious!" -Erin
"Ohhhhhh... I need to stretch before doing the wii." -Erin
"Your wii should not be smaller than my wii!" -Erin
"Let's watch some sexual crimes!" -Erin
"I love you. I love AAAHHHH, oh my GOD your elbows are sharp!" -Snow
"Wait 'til you see what my wii can do!" -Erin
"...'Cause I remember being like, ha ha, he's wearing a dickie, and then I don't remember anything else." -Erin
"Did anybody get my joke?" -Erin
"Was it about sex?" -me
"Yes! Sex is funny! ...maybe that means I'm not having the right kind." -Erin
"Can't wait for THAT to be broadcast to the universe." -Snow
"Jaeger's a little harder to get down recently, you noticed that?" -Sean
"Haven't really had it recently." -me
"It might be because I threw up one time from it."
"They're not actively sucking, they're passively sucking." -me
"My head now hurts." -John
"A foamy foot just can't be healthy." -Tara
KatieMcV: well, the baby had to get drunk somehow
"And (anonymized) was like, where does the dildo go?" -Green describing the planning of someone's bachelorette party
"You just said you would jump (anonymized)'s bones... but you think me threatening to kill you sounds dirty?" -me
"And I was like, what does it taste like when I shove this in there?" -Gina
"Guys love me, it's horrible." -Kestner
"Are you just getting home from school now?" -KatieM
"No, I'm just getting home from the bar now." -me
"Oh, right, it's Tuesday."
"Ok, this is an original song called Hell No. It's about some douchebag hitting on my sister and there was nothing I could do about it... except write this song." -guy performing at Limerick
"So if you walk into his basement, which is enormous, there are dead animals everywhere." -KatieM
Thanksgiving in LA
"This other woman is giving up her eternal life for you, and you're piddling around with some Aryan c---?" -Claire watching RoTK
"Boots, are you yakking?" -me
"No, I have turkey caught in my esophagus." -B
"Oh, we definitely took advantage of the turkey. It was violated in very many ways." -Caitlin
"I want something sweet in my mouth." -Claire
"We couldn't get it to spread its legs to rinse out the insides, so we really had to work on it a little bit." -Caitlin
"Ok, after you take the turkey out of the trash can, you kinda put it in this little trash bag thing that's not really a trash bag, but more like a turkey bag." -Caitlin
"It looked like somebody puked into the trash can, so we took a picture of it." -Caitlin
"My first thought was your cooter, I don't know why." -Sean
"Maybe this is why I have problems with women, I can't find the vagina." -Sean
"Honey, this is my knee." -Caitlin
"Can I just say, high five! Booter nuzzled your breasts, and that was awesome!" - Grundy
"There are a lot of asses in this room I could kick right now, I'm just saying." -Caitlin
"Oh (anonymized), I don't have the patience to talk to you right now. I'm sure you want sex." -Claire
"Sorry, I was gonna burp and greet Booter, but now you're in the way." -Claire
"It's still a twelve year old kid and a fifteen year old kid trying to beat off the witch." -Sean
"I just wish this was as crispy as your bacon." -Claire
"Awww, I almost got creamer in her bosom." -Sean about Caitlin
"I hope I'm not pregnant." -Claire
"Claire, I don't think I could handle that." -Booter
"YOU couldn't handle that?! I'd rip the f---ing thing out of my stomach and throw it at you."
"Caitlin, I'm a girl, it's ok." -Booter
"I know, I'm a dude." -Caitlin
"Note to self: in the future, put on makeup BEFORE you start drinking." -Claire
"She persists in looking like a rabbit." -Caitlin
"That just kind of popped out faster than I thought it would." -Caitlin
"I think I'm gonna drop a deuce, do you wanna play poker?" -Sean
"I used to club my sable." -Sean
"Can we hold these comments until Claire does not have things in her mouth that will make her choke?" -Claire
Claire comments on feeling alienated at the party
"I felt the same way until I got drunk." -Caitlin
"That's Booter fingering the turkey." -Caitlin
"Remember the week before you graduated, when I almost got meat stuck in my throat again?" -Sean
"That's a good story! And that's the Goodyear Blimp!" -Caitlin
"You could poop on his floor." -Caitlin
"Oh, the idea of pooping Flatow and Scruff..." -Claire
"All you need is a short skirt and some pompoms." - a passing stewardess to Sean as he jigged outside LAX
"Am I missing two? I should have twelve. Oh, I do have twelve. For the record, I counted sixteen." -me setting up shotglass checkers after a powerhour
"Pound it. I'll pound it." -Sean
"I'm still gonna eat your pumpkin pie." -me
"Damn you."
"We had like ten beers each, didn't we?"
"Exactly ten."
"Is that counting the Red Hook?"
"...No, not counting the Red Hook. Only the cans."
"Is that counting the margarita?"
"Nope."
"Nice."
"Maybe you and all your little engineering friends will make fun of me 'cause I don't get it, but... I don't get it." -Gina
"I HAVE peed in some odd places, though." -Gina
"I think I left my outfit in your hotel room." -Gina to Pamela
"I wouldn't mind being the thing he's in the middle of." -Gina
"...and I ended up having to kill Kermit the Frog, because he was trying to kill me." -Adam describing a dream he had when he was about 6
"In a lot of ways, I hate you, but I love you." -Gina to me
"It's 'cause you're limber." -Adam to me
"We replaced him with a cardboard cutout of Natalie Portman. One of the guys who lived up the street had one, I don't know why." -Me
"I know why." -Adam
"There's no excuse to have three-on-one action." -Adam
"I've gotta wait 'til he finishes there... PENIS!" -Adam
"The force exerted by the male on the female..." -Part of someone's discussion of sex, complete with sinusoidal graphs (some showing decay)
"Dan, would you have ever considered a discussion on sex with that many graphs?" -Gina
Post-quals
"Derive for me the speed of smell." -Hernando
"I gave your MOM the speed of smell!" -Ian
and
"If the cops stop you, you're gonna say you're what?" -Hernando
"Drunk as shit." -Ian
"Keeping this up is the hardest part."
"It's about to break."
"People keep punching it." -Shuo about his costume's "switch"
After F-18's did their flyby over the stadium and our tailgate
"Raise your hand if you just got a boner." -Steve
"Whooooo! The reigning kegstand champion! (turns to champion) Where's your wife?" -some big guy dressed like Harry Potter
"Actually, we specifically remember you two going at it with a big group of people." -Matt to T/Joe abt wedding video
"Things get crazy with Kat & Matt." -T
"Like every picture I have with Dan is my ass right up next to his face." -Quynh
Waitress at restaurant changes tv from GT/Clemson game to baseball:
"What are you doing?!" -customer
"World Series!" -waitress
"No!"
"Jesus!"
text from Animal
"Crowly your dad looks so much like you my head just exploded --animal"
"Your dad doesn't look THAT much like... like not HEAD-EXPLODING like you." -Kat
"I would love to roofie all of you and make you all go back and pass out so I can go to sleep too." -Katie
"I've been married four months and no babies yet." -Kat
"That's like God hating you." -Kim
"Are you ok, Kim?" -Kat
"Paul's shushing me." -Kim
"Fuck Paul." -Kat
"In the middle here are these ghastly things, and they do unspeakable things to your neutrons." -Cassiano
kat: no
kat: no backer after wedding
me: before?
kat: and given that wedding is at 9am, no backer before
kat: I did that before T's wedding
me: oh, you can just leave early :)
kat: I cannot
me: suuuure you can :)
kat: I cannot leave the backer early
kat: will not
me: :)
kat: which you know damn well
me: oh, you'll be fine this time
kat: don't even
kat: I know you're a bad influence
me: baaaaaaacker
me: "...never even call me by myyy naaay-eeeeem"
kat: I'm getting M*A*R*R*I*E*D!
me: "...cause at least I know I'm freeeeee..."
kat: believe me, this and being in labor are about the only times when I refuse to consider 'backer
"...do you think a gig is enough?"
"A gig should be fine."
"And then upgrade the hard drive..." -sideline chatter during the flag football game between my lab and a rival lab
"So was I arguing with you about something, or was I telling you about my dad's job?" -Erin C
"I'm raising my cup up. We're at your... we're at your two o'clock to your left." -Kestner helping me find the group at the highlands Octoberfest
"Two o'clock to your left makes no sense, asshole." -me
"It's like Imax, but with scotch." -Kestner's reaction to the Johnny Walker "journery experience"
KatieM: I have some very lovely jiggers
"That's one of my pubes." -Alan
"Babe, take my tampons out of your nose." -Jen to Alan
"See, I don't have a penis hole to do that." -Jen
"Is it infected?" -Tara
"I don't see any red lines headed towards your heart yet." -John
"I heard something about a hooker." -me
"May I hold one of Alan's balls?" -John
"No, you may not." -Tara
"I love you, but your nipples are wet." -Jen
"Hairy nipples do not affect me." -Jen
"Look whose f---ing nipples are all wet." -Jen
"We didn't grope, we pseudo-groped." -Jen
"It was softcore porn." -Alan
"Hello!" -some girl
"Avast! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day!" -some guy
"Oh god."
"You remember that long story I didn't tell you yesterday?" -me
"No." -Kat
"The one I didn't tell you."
"Oh, yeah yeah."
"I can't very well shit forward, can I?" -Shuo
"Anyways, can you do me a favor and see if you or your dad or anyone can get extra tickets for the GT game, cause we would really like to come down for that and eat your food and drink your booze, but y'know, it'll be fun. I'm just calling to see if you know anyone, put us on the list of people who are looking to get tickets, and remember you were in our wedding, so um... you owe us." -Snow's voicemail asking for ND-GT tickets
"Beer is so delicious." -Erin S.
"I'm hammered. I'm hammered, buddy! (tapping a pledge on the shoulder) I'm hammered!" -frat guy across the street from our tailgate
green: i'm easy
green: once you've earned my trust
"I thought Bermuda was like a warlock's place, I didn't think it was real." -Katie
"It's like a flux capacitor." -guy in GT library
"Like they used to have for time travel in... what's that movie called?" -girl
"Oh, HERE are my pants." -Chung at lab
lyrics in Tubey's profile for TWoP
green: oh, it's just some epic poem, right?
me: that's Billy Joel's The Stranger
Texts from people:
"Were here-the whole city smells like a wet sock" - mikey in NO,LA
Green texts me something
"Can't talk. Flying" - me
"I... am confused. are you high?"
respond with camera-phone picture out the plane's window
"You bitch. cant wait to hear about it. tonight: beer or food and beer?"
"p.s. Remind me to tell you about my dream that involved a drunk baby pouring beers" -KatieM
"I just shot gunned a beer with my grandma" -KatieM
"Hey, sorry for the late response. i simply had concerns that midtown was gay" -Adam
"GusterJust did the rap from revenge of the nerds... And had it translated into sign language" -Snow
"Lead singer of flaming lips came on stage in a hamster ball and then rolled into the crowd! Band dressed as bat man n captain america. Best. Concert. Ever." -Snow
"Soon enough i'll hit the sauce and give kestner's mom the attention she deserves." -Ryan
"lol it involved an old lady crossing the road and a corn fed harvest mouse" -Diana
"I love you dude. I mean that in a hetero way" -Sean
"Bon jovi starts on motherf---ing time, bitch." -Green
And voicemails I haven't posted yet:
Crowley , what’s up, it’s Booter, giving you a call to say hi. You know, I’m trying to give you a call before midnight this week. Ah, and I wanted a chance to touch base… I was gonna say catch-base, you know, catch up with you, touch base, I’ll pick, I’ll pick, uh… touch base, that’s kinda what I was gonna do, um, anyway I’m on my way to a worthless meeting so feel free to give me a call in the middle of it, leave me some sort of inspirational message telling me I can do it, I just need to press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. Of course, Christmas isn’t for nine months from now. But actually, if you think about it, this is theoretically when Jesus was conceived, which is not the Immaculate Conception. Of course, we don’t really know when Jesus was born, we just kinda lump it together with the secular holiday, the greek holiday of Father Christmas, but you know, we wanted to kinda create an amalgam of the two traditions. I guess you could say that Jesus was probably conceived around Lent. Which is pretty hard, considering it was Lent too. I dunno. It kind of begs the question of, could Jesus really be conceived during Lent? I mean it’s forty days of fasting, right? In theory? That’s where we get the forty days from. Well, forty days comes from a lot of the biblical stuff. And technically this was like when Jesus was, y’know, starting to do a whole bunch of stuff, but how could he be doing a whole bunch of stuff when he’s still in the womb? Or I mean, he’s just a little… maybe that’s the anti-abortion, ah, movement, is that I mean look at Jesus, he was conceived and he was already, y’know, miracles and he was crucified just a couple months later. It’s like, crazy, wow. Um. So, hope you enjoyed that. If I suddenly stop talking, a lightning bolt has come and zapped me. Although I’m in my car, so hopefully it wouldn’t totally kill me, but I think if God wanted to he... yeah, he could. I’m gonna go with that, the whole lightning bolt. Hopefully not, though, hopefully God knows I’m just kidding. Hopefully you know I was just kidding. So yeah, I just found a trend, leading random messages, so hopefully you enjoyed it. Take care, buddy. Peace.
-Booter
Alright, so I’ve been completely demasculinized because my wife is currently sitting on the couch texting everyone she knows about how she just saw Brady Quinn on the elevator, and how, and how like they were this close to making out and falling in love and running off and making lots of little strong-armed babies. So... (Erin says something) OH MY GOD, WOMAN! Jesus, you’re like... everyone she knows is getting texted! Even you! And why do you care? You’re a man. Though, you know, even men can get lost in Brady’s dreamy eyes. (Erin says something) I don’t know if my sister knows who Brady Quinn is. Jesus! I mean seriously, I’m like shrinking up as is. Anyways, hope... Oh my god, she’s seriously sending it to everyone in her phone book. Hope Mountain Goats is good, and I will probably be giving you a call tomorrow. Drop the phone, woman, come on! Someone has to love me best! Ok, bye Crowley . (Erin says something) Oh, go to hell.
-Snow
posted by DCrowley at 5:50 PM
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