The topmost are the most recent.
"A systems engineer really has to be a cross-dresser... or a bisexual." -Dr. Wilhyte
"Is it too late to withdraw?" -Huntsville student
"I'd like a show of hands: how many people have never taken aircraft design before? Yes, you're screwed." -Dr. Mavris
Nat: oh, and the cadavers are awesome!
Nat: the other day i had my fingers down inside of our guy's scrotum
Nat: that's just not something you see everyday
Nat: and honestly, it's kind of fun cutting through things
"That's what every geek wants, right? Sweet lovin'?" -Spam
"This is not comic relief, what the hell are you doing?" -Dr. Mavris
"Expect a lot of work... a lot of pain... a lot of satisfaction if you're into pain... and have a good time." -Pat Biltgen, describing grad school
"I have to remember to take this money out of my pants before I fall asleep with it there." -Gina
"You already missed the thong portion." -AniMal
"Dammit!" -BL, the night Victoria's Secret televised a fashion show
"Did you see that, Bonnie?" -Vnak
"That was definitely a thong." -BL
"Have you seen my bouncing penis? C'mon, I want to show it to you!" -E2
"Beer is for breakfast around here. Drink or be gone." -Doug,
Cocktail"There's pushing the envelope - and then there's ripping it open, crushing it into a tiny ball, and setting it on fire." -promo for Six Flag's "Power" roller coaster
"You know how you always see those porn shots and it's one girl on the other girl and they're both naked? We're not naked." -Liz
"It's about the interaction between electrons and stuff." -E2 defining physical chemistry
"I promise not to say you've had Sex With Zito..." -Kat
Kat: not a wimp, just better than you
"I suck at this girly shit!" -E2
"What girly shit?" -me
"You know, talking about feelings and crap."
"What are you guys doing?" -girl mechanical
"We're designing a trip to Mars." -Bridget
"M-A-R-S, -Mars-, bitches!" -Bill
"Nutsack!" -Rachel
-some of the aero juniors in nieuwland working on orbital
"We must do it all in one swell foop." -Howland
"No, it's supposed to be like enh, enh, enh, like you're hitting a wet fish with a napkin... I was trying to say hitting a small child with a wet fish." -Sean
"Does f---ing out of your mouth come hard to you?" -Erin
"No, seriously, check out this dress! Be less heterosexual in this." -Sean
"Dude, how big was Brock's penis?" -Sean
"What?" -Snow
"We were also interested in ball-droppage, too."
and "My gynecologist can tell you, I was a virgin, I never took part in it, but I
took good notes." -Erin's friend Laura discussing a survey she made in high school
"I've gotta go pad my ass." -Snow
"You're not an outsider at the couples party. You're pretty." -Laura to Sean
"You're fierce." -Laura to me, after I laughed.
"Snow, can you give me a little delicious love?" -Sean
"Here's to your deliciousness." -Snow
"Monsieur, nonetheless, is (that?) you enjoy life when it is thrust upon you. You are a thoughtful and physical young man. Able of unknown ablities clear to all who know you. A remarkable and tasty young man. Pay attention to (?) OPPORTUNITIES." -the note Laura wrote to Sean during Snow's surprise birthday party.
E2: mmmmmmm
E2: beeeer
E2: gooood
"Your gay ass is mine! ...in a totally straight way." -Mothball to Jeeves
"It's not so much I want to hit you. I just want to set you on fire." -Sean to Snow
"happy jesus not-so-dead day!" -Green's closing IM on Easter Sunday
"Can you feel my butt jiggle when I do this?" -E2
"You've got me drunk enough, but not mad enough." -Kat
"You know that Google saves all your searches, right?" -me
"I know, that's why I don't use Google when I look up all my porn." -E2
"Brita-water's so great." -Cobb
"Like manna from heaven." -Green
"Like booze from water." -Cobb
"...I like his better." -me
"What'd I just say?" -Cobb
"This is cashmere, you bastard!" -Snow
"Snow, we're two guys sitting in a room, watching
Moulin Rouge and drinking red wine at 3am. How gay is this?" -Sean
Kat: yeah, fun with phallic objects
"I was trying to have a thought, but then... I failed." -E2
"Abstinence is... no meat." -Deacon Dan
"There's a lot of -other- rules about boyfriends and girlfriends, but there's nothing about killing." -Keenan Rector's homily
"I was the role model. It's really weird to see him using my mannerisms now." -me
"Oh, my brother did that too. That's why he's gay now." -Quynh
"I don't know why I love that joke so much." -me
"You like it because it involves ducks on fire." -Sean
"People think I'm... what's the word? A bimbo? No, that's not it. A ditz! That's it." -Steph
"I don't think you're a ditz." -me
"Maybe you're delusional."
"I'm just addicted. You are my crack." -E2
"Put it back, put your fake penis back!" -Erin
"It's kind of like Claire having an orgasm and Erin saying "You do it the same way I do!" -Sean
"Ok, I am
so much gayer than you are." -Snow
"Did you poke a hole in your pants? Please don't put my eye out." -Claire
"Could you not dance on my penis?" -Sean
"When I think my wang is gonna get penetrated by a goddam spike?" -Sean
"He wants to lie in Hillary's bed naked, but I said no." -E1
"I didn't puke!" -Sean
"You punched a tree and a window and molested several people." -Snow
"But they enjoyed it!"
"...so I was sitting in the front seat trying to not let the cab driver molest me." -Erin
"Don't worry, I molested him for you." -Sean
"Somehow I got the idea that the more I threw up, the better I'd feel." -Snow
"We tried to get you to bed, but every time we tried to move you you said, "No, I'm not done yet!" and you'd pull your trigger again." -E1
"His hair is eating my ass." -Claire
"My boobs were definitely on your back, cause your back is sparkly now." -?
"When have you ever seen a spiritual dildo?" -Sean
"We don't get lube!" -Erin
"So that's why I tried to get cock out of you." -Erin
"He calls you it sometimes..." -Erin during charades
"Cock-o-rama?" -Sean
"A Cock Called Wanda?" -Claire
What I actually said: "To which you reply, 'Nope.'"
How Erin heard it: "She tortured a blind gnome."
"I'm bigger than you in every sense of the word." -me to Snow
E1 snorts.
"Ok, bigger in every way I know of."
"So you're telling me you hooked up with somebody and got syphillis BEFORE New Year's?" -E2
"I'll stay chaste for you, Dan." -Green
"You never hear about the good effects of cocaine... it makes you smarter!" -Sean
"Why don't I get a high five? I'm the one who put butt sex in there!" -Stitch
"You're not drunk, you just said 'quibble'." -Stitch
"Do you not want me to tell you who I slept with tomorrow?" -Quynh to her boyfriend
"All five of us against the nun!" -Quynh
"There are so many cool positions!" -E2
"Oh god, you're going after my dad's semen!" -Mothball
"Maybe it's my puke that scares people." -Bonnie Leigh
"OK, show of hands: who likes Thomas Kincade? ...Get out."
"Obsessed is a good word. Bacon was more or less a crazy son of a bitch."
-Rhett Poche, the grad student teaching Drawing I
"Oh, they cleaned it up... No way! I know these guys. I live with these guys. They wouldn't clean up vomit!" -Stitch
"Bam! Flutter! Bam! Flutter! Bam! Flutter!" -Erin describing dribbling a chicken
"Dan... are our lights on?" -Animal
"Uh..."
[click]
"Yeah, why do you ask?" -me, while driving back from 'Ritas
"There's so much Quynh to go around, it's not even funny." -Quynh
"See? There's Mars." -Stitch
"Where?" -Mothball
"The dot."
"I don't see it."
"The only dot in the f---ing sky."
"...Oh."
"Trust me, I would not voluntarily have something up my ass."
and "Oh! What just went up my butt?" -Erin
"They should have a Bun-Bicycle-Ride, too." -Stitch
"Have you thought I looked like a serial killer before?"
"This is entirely too much hesitation." -Me
"Well, not a SERIAL killer..." -E2
"Maybe if you shaved, you wouldn't look like somebody who cuts people up. You know, cause they always look all rugged." -E2
"Maybe all the Pharisees were vampires." -Snow
"That would explain a lot." -Sean
"Stitch! Where are you? Let me pleasure you, you skanky bitch!" -Ryan Brallier in a skirt and well-padded bra
"The fact is, as some wise engineer once said, 'Who gives a damn?'" -Dr. Howland
"...maybe you wish you were a fourteen-year-old girl?" -Paul, Wood Sculpture prof., as part of a critique (not one of mine)
"Even if I wake up in the middle of the night and it's 3am and I want some?" -E2
"Two hours, twenty-four dollars... mopeds." -Andrew O'Connor
"We're gonna pick up ALL the bitches." -Ryan Flanigan (Spring Break)
"This is why I should give up alcohol forever... because I'm a loose, loose whore." -Stitch
"So what you're saying is, you've never tasted semen?" -Snow
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." -Sean
"I know your serious voice, you ass!" -Sean
"I put my umbrella in her butt, and she freaked out." -Sean
"No, I think mascara is the stuff that goes on eyelashes." -Sean
"Yeah, I have that on too." -Brock
"When we are young, bedtime is a punishment. When we are older, bedtime is a reward." -Veronica
"She's like the Danielle Steele of cow-raping." -Stitch on Toni Morrison
"FIVE STRANGERS! Picked to live in a dorm room, to see what happens when people stop being polite, and START BEING SURREAL!" -Stitch, while wearing a "Happy Hat" made of a bent coat-hanger wrapped around his face
"But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!" -Dorothy Parker (from Emily)
"Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. Oh yeah, and Mike Kinder is gay." -Wendeln's away message
"You come in thinking you get to shape all these young minds... and then you look out and see all the blank faces and say, 'My God, I've wasted my life!'" -Prof. Eric Jumper (from Kish)
"I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man." -Mikey's away message (from Family Guy)
"It was Liz's birthday. She didn't want to hook up by herself, so I had to help out." -E2
"I have bad memories of being shoved into armpits." -E2
"I like saying that word, mousse. It's a fun word to say..........mousse." -Chris
"No, like your ass would start to hurt. From all the rubbing around and sitting on it." -E2
"Oh, wait, let me show you something, and then I'll put on some pants." -Sean
"What founding father was knocked unconscious while trying to electrocute a turkey?" -Trivial Pursuit
"They basically did two girls everytime we scored." -Kristine
"I'm not even... I... What was I talking about?" -Jumper
"I'm a very selective whore." -Quynh
"I could go as I am and show up on time, or I could FIND my pants..." -Kristine
"I mean ideally, the reason you have a split wing is to shoot lasers out of it..." -Sean
"What does Dudley do? He does right." -Prof. McLaren
"That works." -E2
"What?" -me
"My butt. It works to put my keys in." -E2
To Kelly: "She said she uses her butt to put her keys in." -me
To E2: "So that's what's always up your ass." -Kelly
"ok, si'm home from heartlanm gin a houst out to efgsard ally two, rlrcytiv voolsyrsdofr yrdy/ smoyjrt goof omnr." -Sean's away message, put up at 5:30am
"This is a Catholic school, it is perfectly legitimate to go to Hell." -Prof. Jumper
"What's the worst thing that could happen? I could yell at you and tell you you're stupid." -Jumper
"Does anyone else think that he kind of looks like Hitler?" -Dave Murray about Jumper
"TWO Uncle Brocks!" -Brock's four-year-old cousin Alex, upon seeing Brock standing next to Bielecki
"I was like hyperactive Brock, but in a good way!" -Brock
"Dude, so i got to see a half-naked Snow and a half-naked Bielecki all in the same day!" -K
"I'm still waiting to be dominated." -K
"So is everybody coming to the backer tonight?" -K
"I am." -me
"F---." -K
"Now I'm paranoid about my clothes falling off me." -E2
"Am I wearing... yes, I'm wearing all my clothes." -Steph
"I bounced, and it popped out!" -Kristine
"Well, they hide it down there and it's a surprise when you get to the bottom and you're like, 'Ooh, it's a special treat!'" -Kristine
"These are the best, cause then you get a chocolate surprise all the way down." -Kristine
"She's awesome. She does have a lot of sex though." -Katie Mc
"I'm not a slut. I'm not, it's just good, decent fun." -Anon.
"I could be hard-to-get." -Anon
"Clay." -me
[she flips me off]
"Can you call for pizza after you're done? Cause I'm afraid to talk." -Kristine
"I'm alright, I'm just an asshole." -Sean to Krissy, after disappearing at Rally and not coming home for 12 hours.
"FDR, huh?" -Snow
"Polio. Who knew?" -Sean
"Jesus Christ, everyone's in here. I'm gonna put on pants." -Sean
"Is it dark enough to do Stitch?" -Sean
"I don't know, my hands just went there." -Kristine
"Kristine? Are you a man?" -Brock
"...cause I volunteer to do weird things if you talk to me online when it's 2am and I'm bored." -Kristine
"I'll do you one at a time." -Kristine
"This is like somebody puked up cotton candy into my water." -E2
"Your balls just kissed." -Steph
"I hate holes like this, cause there's a little hole and it doesn't narrow and lead you into the little hole so i usually just whack it off the side of the building for a while..." -Kristine on the inner course
"This is me being the Fourth of July Nazi." -Kristine
"What makes bodies in motion stay in motion?" -Gatorade commercial
"Inertia!" -Scott
"What makes what goes up, stay up?"
"Inertia!"
"What makes what goes down, get back up again?"
"Gatorade!"
"We're going to Rally in the f---ing don't grab my ass!" -Sean
"...and the mathematician goes and has a beer or whatever it is that mathematicians drink..." -Prof Howland
"You're not fulfilling my needs." -me
"Maybe if you come over I could." -Kristine
"If these things aren't designed very well, they're pretty much self-propelled bombs, right?" -Prof Goodwine
"It's been at least three hours now that I haven't been having sex." -Steph
"...and I don't want to go to this party with holes in my butt." -K
"She vomited, I vomited, and I think we made out." -Sean
"Shit, now I have to change my pants." -Sean
"I'm not very good at being a player." -K
"...so now I have a desk drawer full of colorful penises." -Quymh
"Ahhh! Snow, what time is it?" -Sean
"It's 8." -Snow
"Is that AM or PM?"
"PM"
"Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?"
"Sweet Jesus, Booter, it's Tuesday."
"Whew. Ok. Good."
"There isn't really another profession with this much responsibility. Doctors, maybe, but they can only kill one person at a time." -Prof Goodwine
"Does Dan lie to you? Dan lies to me all the time and I never know" -Quynh
"Dan lies to everybody." -Kristine
"What is there to grasp? He's a photographer, it's one of his favorite pics that he's taken, so he has it on his fridge" -Lisa
"It's his porn-star friend in furry handcuffs" -me
"It's like the grown up version of putting your drawings and papers on the fridge when you're a kid" -her
"Except she's naked" -me
"I don't smell like Nate anymore, I took a shower." -Anon.
"And I'm not diabetic, I'm just really hungry." -Annie
"...but I have this habit of dancing in the cage..." -Quynh
"It's horrible, they want me to have a man so badly, more than I do." -Marissa about her parents
"No, it scares me that my dad is giving me soft porn." -Steph
"Last night she grabbed my breast!" -Jen
"Pizza is good, Killian's is good (especially on a Friday), and God is good." -Prof. Murphy, theology
"I mean for real, for the first time in my life i almost pissed all over myself." -quynh
"They look like they belong to Spiderman." -Kristine
"I can... no, I can't be Asian." -Kristine
"I did it! Dan! Dan! I cut it with the fork!" -Kristine
"I could be a European spy." -Kristine
"I forgot your name already, Dan" -Kristine
"If that turns purple, it's your ass." -Andy to Walter
"...and the next morning, I showed him what I did to his cats." -Marissa
"My pants are very sticky." -Marissa
"I'd rather be known for vomiting than that..." -Sean
"I'm the best straight person ever." -Steph
"What is a good rogering?" -K
"OK, it's not a porn picture... she's just a PORN STAR. and what's wrong with penises?" -Lisa
"He likes to kill cats." -Kristine
"I know." -Marissa
"One rule: NO MORE!" -Noonan
"Here's to you
And here's to me.
Here's to the friends we'll always be.
And if by chance we disagree,
F-- you all! and here's to me!"
-from Green, her toast at the Goat In Boots
"I'm not a lesbian, and i don't do the incest thing." -emily
"I really haven't been drinking, I just walked into the pole" -Steph
"That was just reality, we don't need to bother with that." -Adrian Goldsworthy, Roman history prof.
"Oh no... THAT'S what a rimjob is?"
"My day is so much worse now that I found out what a rimjob is... I thought it was something to do with basketball." -Jon McCrea
"I should have lifted up my skirt" -emily
"You're making me hungry... No, it's just I can't eat between meals for Lent, and the whole meat thing; even if you were talking about... you. made me hungry. Sorry." -Marissa
"I am food. Eat me." -Kathi Jo
"OK, you're in, you're in, you're in, me in? ....Ha ha, you're all pee." -Me
"Why do all the guys know what fellatio is?" -Kathi Jo
"well, i wish i could say i was your first" -Marissa
"Guys, I wanna tell you... I'm a bright egg." -Trisha
"Moment of laughter for salmon and creme cheese... ok." -Sean
"Because I don't like wearing clothes" -Trisha
"Yeah, so I accidentally... well, it wasn't really an accident. My bite record is getting a lot worse... I used to be able to say I had only bitten two people, but 3's not very bad." -Marissa
"I did bite him, and he still wanted to go to church with us!" -M
"He liked it, tho." -M
"What, the biting or the church?" -Kristine
"Well, both." -M
"If your hair wasn't connected to your head, it'd probably fly off, right?" -Joe Yanof
"You didn't submit last 4 homeworks. Why? Not doing homework will reduce your final grade significantly." -Stanislav
"I'm above the need for a penis. I know I'm a man." -Katie F.
"Ah! Ah! No! No! Evil! Evil! Ah!" -Veronica
"Yeah, I ripped off some of my fingers, so I had some reconstruction
to do." -steve in foundry
"OK, weirdo. I bought gorilla slippers." -Liz
"You called me an Ewok, you bastard" -Eddie
"You're a wimp" -me
"I have a right to be, I'm from Texas." -katie f
"I was naked in Lafun... again." -Sean
"Hi Dan. Why are you so scary?" -Marissa
"You looked like a dragon." -Kristine
"Did he tell you the bad news? That I bit him?" -Marissa
"You know, it's not easy selling your body for crack." -Chris Lynch
"You get used to it." -Kim
"Preheat Kim's head! Preheat Kim's head! I'll cook like a deer!"
-Vicky
"What I have here is a bucket full of house flies." -Aero video
"When you careen, careen uphill." -Mandie
"I've never come up behind you and shot you in the back of the head before. It's fun." -Chris
"mmmmmm.... antisocialicious..." -Ejoyce
"Too tough to die, too fast for love, and we can't drive 55. These are the three maxims of the Hellfire Club." -Noonan
"What, do you think the Soviet Union's like bell-bottom pants, that it's a fad that's going to come back?" -Andrew Dawson
"Kristine convinced me that puking was better." -Jon Doty
"Hi, I'm Tessa. Are you drunk?" -Tessa at Colleen's bday party
"You wet my pants!" -Liz
"We are not delicate flowers. We are spawns of satan." -Quynh
"Oh s**t, it's on fire" -Sean
"He's NOT CHRIST!" -Nate
"The Hell I'm not!" -Scruff
"If I was Irish, I'd like kill everybody." -Quynh
"Um, it's just random people who call and want to talk about sex." -Quynh
"Oh, he's like naked, where's he going?" -Quynh
"This is why they don't give lasers to French majors" -Marissa
"lots o'ladies, not enough alkyhol, and an obnoxious, drunken rock band in the basement. I don't think I'm going to wear pants." -Tyler
"I'm a bi-sectional thespian." -Tiana
"What am I talking about?"
"God doesn't go around throwing brickbath at people; people throw brickbats at themselves."
"If you don't believe me, try it out on your roommate. Steal some of his stuff."
-Fr. Matt
"Bite him. Bite him and shake your head like a dog with a bone." -Self Defense class video advice
"If we prevent even one baby from swelling up like a bloated toad, it's worth it." -Luke (explaining why the juggling club accepts donations for the Ara Parseghian Foundation)
"Einstein tried it; and look where it got him! He's dead! Dead! Einstein's dead! billy pilgrim... listen not to him." - Sloan
"You guys all have cooties. No, you do. You're all weird. Give me back my toys and go home." -K.C. Harrison
"!Esta' tirando los sesos!" -Enrique Joyce
"Gee, I'm the only one here not wearing pants!" -Me, in germany
"You know what i wouldn't want to eat? Carpet. No, just think about it, it's all stringy and dry..." - Dave Kieley
"Nobody can get depressed like a Russian." - Mr. John Sanfacon
