"I mean, I'm kind of a whore, but he's REALLY kind of a whore." - Feb. '08 to Dec. '08
"I was painting. You know, I had my duty down in the basement. I do mostly impressionist, but I'm really getting into my cubism period, as soon as I figure out how to draw a cube." -Snow
Emily: seriously? vampires are supposed to be involved in lots of sex. not cuddling with a blanket.
*** Thanksgiving in LA ***
"It's not my fault I don't have a weiner!" -Shawna
"Yeah, I do suck, but people usually appreciate that." -Shawna to her mother
"I like that you can forcefully lead, 'cause I'm drunk enough to fall over." -Kelly
"Try it once more, I don't think I was actually looking because there's something poking me in the ass." -Shawna
"Get Dr. Chopper, it's better." -Kelly
"Better isn't the point, I want you to be a zombie." -me
"Balls."
"I saw my second celebrity in LA: Ron Jeremy." -Scott
"I just want to shrink you guys so I could put you in my pocket and take you out and show people and say See, aren't they adorable? and they're MINE!" - Shawna
"It's a good thing that I didn't explode everywhere." -Kelly
"Sometimes it's good for a girl to explode everywhere." -Booter
"Yeah, work on that." -Shawna
"It's bad enough I have to compete with Dean." -Kelly
"You don't compete with Dean." -Booter
"...and not only do these socks look awesome and are totally comfy, but they COMPLETELY MATCH MY PANTS!" -Shawna
"What video is that?" -Booter
"It's us watching porn." -Shawna
"It's basically work, and then drink and f--k around until you fall asleep again." -Kelly describing her life
"I've got ten months to choke Carmen Electra." -Josh, Dean's friend
"You know you're not allowed to poop while you're here." -Ti to Josh
"Will you stop with the deucing? What are you, like five years old?" -Ti to Josh
"Why do your feet smell like gefilte fish?" - Grundy to Shawna
"F--king Grundy. Are you f--king serious?!" -JoeJoe, after Grundy peed in his sink
"I just cleaned this sink, you f--ker!" -JoeJoe
"'Cause I will fist-a-to-God your asshole." -Grundy during 40s
"I didn't know it was Insult Game. I thought you were just being a dick." -Grundy
"I have this friend, he's an SC fan but his grandfather played at ND for Knute Rockne. His dad's a... bisexual fan, I guess." -Grundy
Kelly chokes on her drink
"Well, the worst thing is that I can't say balls." -CScott
"Put it in my crotch, it's the hottest part of my body." -Shawna
"I look like cross-eyed in this picture. You're licking the tongue of a crazy girl." -Shawna
"Why do we need bases to talk about touching my tits, but not to talk about sucking your dick?" -Ti
"Is it my fault he put Taco Bell on top of all that blockage?" -Ti
"My enema worked, bitch, it worked." -Ti
"So an enema requires two people - who knew?" -Ti
"Out of like seven thousand songs, I hear My Dick at least once a week." -Shawna
*** End of Thanksgiving in LA ***
"So when you open a pecan, you're busting a nut?" -Gina
Emily: ooh, there's a stripper
Emily: WOW
Emily: the whole dresser
Emily: wow
Emily: dirty girl scouts don't burn as much as a brain hemmorhage
"If you want to chop off all of your hair, I could totally do it for you." -Sarah, my cousin's coworker
"It took Gina four years to get past my first impression." -Kestner
"That's 'cause your first impression was, like, assault." -Gina
"I just know that, however much I've tried, I just don't like dick." -RyanH's Mike
"I forgot about my giant cockersaurus!" -RyanH
"That's not very nice! My dad just told me I look like Obama. Because I'm dark." -Katie, on her wedding day
"If we don't stop by a CVS to get my Maybelline lipgloss, I'm gonna be f--king pissed." - Megan, Matron of Honor #1
"Your hair looks AWESOME." -Tori, Matron of Honor #2
"I know, I look like Katie's legit! 'Cause there's red in it!" -Mom
Green: well, now I have to wear the hooker red dress
"Mmmmm, nipple twisting." -Diana
"She had to wait for the bathroom to clear out so she could devastate it." -Gina abt Rebecca
"Rebecca, that beer's not gonna throw itself up." -Kickball Big Joe
My away message: So much for the Gone With the Wind approach...
Green: you made dresses out of curtains?
John: see what you get when you have to rely on the kindness of strangers? Gonorrhea, unless your talking about a different line from that movie
"The amount of time it'd take to cut all the kids' heads off and stick them in little baseballs..." -Monica
"It's not poison if she enjoys it." -Spam
"If I were a tranny, I'd be much better looking than that." -BrianH
"I just provide the hole, he provides the aim." -Rebecca abt Shuo
"Tulika brought me oral pleasure." -Elisha
"Are they udders, Mere? Is that what they are? Think before you squeeze your boobs." -RyanH
"She's got sternum. She's got plenty of sternum." -Mere, abt bouncing coins into Ryan's shirt
"You shouldn't vomit." -me
"I'm not going to." -Gina
"That's my woman." -Kestner
"F--k, I burped at 2? On command? That's AWESOME!" -RyanH
"When are you gonna stop banging other chicks?" -Rebecca
"When you stop having 'inflammations'." -Shuo
"Are you gonna take that shit? Kick her ass, get her naked." -Travis
Emily: yeah...not sure what the point is if it's non-erotic
Green: that plane pooped a capsule
"Our apartment this week was basically three Mexicans vomiting." -Kestner
"All I can think of is that one with the weird little people." -Mom describing the Lord of the Rings trilogy
"It just slips down your throat accidentally." -Kestner
"It's f--king disgusting. That's why I hate them." -Gina
"I want to see a wild squirrel go to the bathroom." -Kiva
"Just put it in a different way so it really rubs around." -Kiva
"That's how you drew 'razor burn'? It looks like a sailboat!" -EJ during Cranium
"I burned my bottom lip. Last night at your place, it finally started coming off in chunks. I was just picking it off and dropping it on the floor." -Mike B.
"Why are you shoving this down our throats?" -Drew
"Guess what's getting shoved down your throat next!" -EJ
"I'm just glad your mom didn't milk me." -BrianH
"I'll trade you half a pound of fudge for that baby. Make somebody REALLY happy outside." -Uncle Jimmy at Scoops
"Drew says Cranium is the most irrationally competitive two hours of his year." -EJ
"Is that Mikey or a mailbox?" -BrianH
"I will teach my daughters to burp and burp eloquently." -RyanH
"I was just thinking it would be so awesome to go to Alon's and pick up some chicken salad, but... I don't want to put my pants back on." -ATL Courtney
"Plus it's got Tim Curry, who is an AMAZINGLY sexy transvestite." -Emily
"Wait, like downloading? I feel different about copyright law if I can get CAUGHT!" -Andrea
"I haven't used my womb." -Rebecca
"I could've been the axe-murdering lesbian in the pink Cadillac." -Tammy
"I'm not Jewish... but Jewish people annoy me." -Nugent
"Oh, write that down, write that f--king down!" -RyanH
"Wait, so you wouldn't wax your balls?" -RyanH
"No, you Nair your balls." -Mere
"She's not a lady, you don't have to be a gentleman." -Mere to Mike
"I very rarely have the urge to punch people in the face." -KmV
"Something stupid. I'm a tool." -Spam's recording of whatever I said
"Ohhhh, I see the penis now!" -RyanH
"It's a cheese grater, where could it go?" -RyanH
"I was talking about skinning the Jews." -Mere
"Oh. That's a bad topic." -RyanH
"I mean, what's wrong with a little cocker spaniel now and then?" -RyanH
"If you asked me for a threesome, I would politely say no." -Cameron to Patrick & Susan
"I mean, I'm kind of a whore, but he's really kind of a whore." -Sean
"Like a melting cheese, my capability erodes." -Doc
"Yeah, you're thinking about the porn." -me
"Oh yeahhhhh..." -Andrea
"The WHAT?" -SeanB
"I have problems getting it up with just one stick." -Emily
"You smoke the crack. You snort the coke." -me
"Ohhhhhhh..." -Andrea & Tulika
"I like this better, when I turn around I see Katie and not Dan." -Rebecca
"Syphilis - that'd be a beautiful name if it wasn't a disease." -Kristin
"That's how we usually do things around here - Kendall and Ramon and an underage hooker." -KmV
"We could totally do a lesbian duet." -KmV
"We could!" -Kendall
"Ew, gross! Steak shit, yuck!" -Amy
"That's why the Greeks were remembered. It's not that they were the smartest people, it's that they documented their work." -Doc
"Feel my hair." -Rebecca's friend Suzanne
"Will I like it?" -me
"Listen, f--ker, it feels like a damn sheep!"
"Yeah, I have a flat ass. I have to wear low-cut shirts." -Rebecca
"Jagina! I-S-S-I-N-G!" -Iris on Gina's birthday
"Muhfeemakruckahmormick." -Snow with his mouth full
"My clock is thick? ...wait, what'd you say?!" -me
"I said, I'm eating a cracker and you're a dick." -Snow, once he could breathe again
"I'll watch for your boobs." -Tambryn, captain of opposing kickball team
"If it was supercritical, you would have known it already." -Dr. Petrovic
"I will not go through the derivation. If you feel very masochistic at some point, go through the textbook..." -Dr. Petrovic
"Is it going to be like Transformers when it transforms?" -Janel
"No..." -student
"I want Transformers, dammit!"
"I'm sort of opposed to pooping in the snow." -KmV
about beryllium:
"Isn't that very toxic?" -Frank
"It is, but I guess in fifties is ok." -Dr. Petrovic
"The only thing that makes karaoke better is nasty-ass strippers while you karaoke." -Dixey about Tuesdays at the Claremont
"Could you not use my hips as a pushing point next time?" -Gina
"When we first get a dog, it's gonna have to learn to lick toes, because we both love it... but not with each other!" -Rebecca
"Day ain't over until you spoon." -Hernando
"That's right." -Doc
*** Texts ***
Kestner: Question. Is Gina a vibrant young lady or an old hag?
Kestner: Maybe this might help u decide. Gina is trying to fart out her hiccups.
Mom: No shots pls.
Green: bar tonight: someone picked final countdown at least 5 times in a row. needless to say, I am READY for a wedding.
Sean: Awesome. Btw expect a small package in a few days
Sean: Oh and it's not me. Wanted to clarify.
Green: momma wants to get her hate on.
KatWhilePregnant: Pushups, yeah no. I'm fat now
Green: my god, i just audibly gasped. tell it i love it. it never even calls me by my name.
RyanE: I am so aroused and disgusted.
Snow: Dude if the LHC destroys the world I firmly believe it's somehow your fault. This is actually my game plan for all cataclysmic events.
KmV: My penis is the hammer.
Green: that poor orphan I packed into checked luggage. he must be so frightened and lonely. in related news: why the hell did I do that?
Emily: seriously? vampires are supposed to be involved in lots of sex. not cuddling with a blanket.
*** Thanksgiving in LA ***
"It's not my fault I don't have a weiner!" -Shawna
"Yeah, I do suck, but people usually appreciate that." -Shawna to her mother
"I like that you can forcefully lead, 'cause I'm drunk enough to fall over." -Kelly
"Try it once more, I don't think I was actually looking because there's something poking me in the ass." -Shawna
"Get Dr. Chopper, it's better." -Kelly
"Better isn't the point, I want you to be a zombie." -me
"Balls."
"I saw my second celebrity in LA: Ron Jeremy." -Scott
"I just want to shrink you guys so I could put you in my pocket and take you out and show people and say See, aren't they adorable? and they're MINE!" - Shawna
"It's a good thing that I didn't explode everywhere." -Kelly
"Sometimes it's good for a girl to explode everywhere." -Booter
"Yeah, work on that." -Shawna
"It's bad enough I have to compete with Dean." -Kelly
"You don't compete with Dean." -Booter
"...and not only do these socks look awesome and are totally comfy, but they COMPLETELY MATCH MY PANTS!" -Shawna
"What video is that?" -Booter
"It's us watching porn." -Shawna
"It's basically work, and then drink and f--k around until you fall asleep again." -Kelly describing her life
"I've got ten months to choke Carmen Electra." -Josh, Dean's friend
"You know you're not allowed to poop while you're here." -Ti to Josh
"Will you stop with the deucing? What are you, like five years old?" -Ti to Josh
"Why do your feet smell like gefilte fish?" - Grundy to Shawna
"F--king Grundy. Are you f--king serious?!" -JoeJoe, after Grundy peed in his sink
"I just cleaned this sink, you f--ker!" -JoeJoe
"'Cause I will fist-a-to-God your asshole." -Grundy during 40s
"I didn't know it was Insult Game. I thought you were just being a dick." -Grundy
"I have this friend, he's an SC fan but his grandfather played at ND for Knute Rockne. His dad's a... bisexual fan, I guess." -Grundy
Kelly chokes on her drink
"Well, the worst thing is that I can't say balls." -CScott
"Put it in my crotch, it's the hottest part of my body." -Shawna
"I look like cross-eyed in this picture. You're licking the tongue of a crazy girl." -Shawna
"Why do we need bases to talk about touching my tits, but not to talk about sucking your dick?" -Ti
"Is it my fault he put Taco Bell on top of all that blockage?" -Ti
"My enema worked, bitch, it worked." -Ti
"So an enema requires two people - who knew?" -Ti
"Out of like seven thousand songs, I hear My Dick at least once a week." -Shawna
*** End of Thanksgiving in LA ***
"So when you open a pecan, you're busting a nut?" -Gina
Emily: ooh, there's a stripper
Emily: WOW
Emily: the whole dresser
Emily: wow
Emily: dirty girl scouts don't burn as much as a brain hemmorhage
"If you want to chop off all of your hair, I could totally do it for you." -Sarah, my cousin's coworker
"It took Gina four years to get past my first impression." -Kestner
"That's 'cause your first impression was, like, assault." -Gina
"I just know that, however much I've tried, I just don't like dick." -RyanH's Mike
"I forgot about my giant cockersaurus!" -RyanH
"That's not very nice! My dad just told me I look like Obama. Because I'm dark." -Katie, on her wedding day
"If we don't stop by a CVS to get my Maybelline lipgloss, I'm gonna be f--king pissed." - Megan, Matron of Honor #1
"Your hair looks AWESOME." -Tori, Matron of Honor #2
"I know, I look like Katie's legit! 'Cause there's red in it!" -Mom
Green: well, now I have to wear the hooker red dress
"Mmmmm, nipple twisting." -Diana
"She had to wait for the bathroom to clear out so she could devastate it." -Gina abt Rebecca
"Rebecca, that beer's not gonna throw itself up." -Kickball Big Joe
My away message: So much for the Gone With the Wind approach...
Green: you made dresses out of curtains?
John: see what you get when you have to rely on the kindness of strangers? Gonorrhea, unless your talking about a different line from that movie
"The amount of time it'd take to cut all the kids' heads off and stick them in little baseballs..." -Monica
"It's not poison if she enjoys it." -Spam
"If I were a tranny, I'd be much better looking than that." -BrianH
"I just provide the hole, he provides the aim." -Rebecca abt Shuo
"Tulika brought me oral pleasure." -Elisha
"Are they udders, Mere? Is that what they are? Think before you squeeze your boobs." -RyanH
"She's got sternum. She's got plenty of sternum." -Mere, abt bouncing coins into Ryan's shirt
"You shouldn't vomit." -me
"I'm not going to." -Gina
"That's my woman." -Kestner
"F--k, I burped at 2? On command? That's AWESOME!" -RyanH
"When are you gonna stop banging other chicks?" -Rebecca
"When you stop having 'inflammations'." -Shuo
"Are you gonna take that shit? Kick her ass, get her naked." -Travis
Emily: yeah...not sure what the point is if it's non-erotic
Green: that plane pooped a capsule
"Our apartment this week was basically three Mexicans vomiting." -Kestner
"All I can think of is that one with the weird little people." -Mom describing the Lord of the Rings trilogy
"It just slips down your throat accidentally." -Kestner
"It's f--king disgusting. That's why I hate them." -Gina
"I want to see a wild squirrel go to the bathroom." -Kiva
"Just put it in a different way so it really rubs around." -Kiva
"That's how you drew 'razor burn'? It looks like a sailboat!" -EJ during Cranium
"I burned my bottom lip. Last night at your place, it finally started coming off in chunks. I was just picking it off and dropping it on the floor." -Mike B.
"Why are you shoving this down our throats?" -Drew
"Guess what's getting shoved down your throat next!" -EJ
"I'm just glad your mom didn't milk me." -BrianH
"I'll trade you half a pound of fudge for that baby. Make somebody REALLY happy outside." -Uncle Jimmy at Scoops
"Drew says Cranium is the most irrationally competitive two hours of his year." -EJ
"Is that Mikey or a mailbox?" -BrianH
"I will teach my daughters to burp and burp eloquently." -RyanH
"I was just thinking it would be so awesome to go to Alon's and pick up some chicken salad, but... I don't want to put my pants back on." -ATL Courtney
"Plus it's got Tim Curry, who is an AMAZINGLY sexy transvestite." -Emily
"Wait, like downloading? I feel different about copyright law if I can get CAUGHT!" -Andrea
"I haven't used my womb." -Rebecca
"I could've been the axe-murdering lesbian in the pink Cadillac." -Tammy
"I'm not Jewish... but Jewish people annoy me." -Nugent
"Oh, write that down, write that f--king down!" -RyanH
"Wait, so you wouldn't wax your balls?" -RyanH
"No, you Nair your balls." -Mere
"She's not a lady, you don't have to be a gentleman." -Mere to Mike
"I very rarely have the urge to punch people in the face." -KmV
"Something stupid. I'm a tool." -Spam's recording of whatever I said
"Ohhhh, I see the penis now!" -RyanH
"It's a cheese grater, where could it go?" -RyanH
"I was talking about skinning the Jews." -Mere
"Oh. That's a bad topic." -RyanH
"I mean, what's wrong with a little cocker spaniel now and then?" -RyanH
"If you asked me for a threesome, I would politely say no." -Cameron to Patrick & Susan
"I mean, I'm kind of a whore, but he's really kind of a whore." -Sean
"Like a melting cheese, my capability erodes." -Doc
"Yeah, you're thinking about the porn." -me
"Oh yeahhhhh..." -Andrea
"The WHAT?" -SeanB
"I have problems getting it up with just one stick." -Emily
"You smoke the crack. You snort the coke." -me
"Ohhhhhhh..." -Andrea & Tulika
"I like this better, when I turn around I see Katie and not Dan." -Rebecca
"Syphilis - that'd be a beautiful name if it wasn't a disease." -Kristin
"That's how we usually do things around here - Kendall and Ramon and an underage hooker." -KmV
"We could totally do a lesbian duet." -KmV
"We could!" -Kendall
"Ew, gross! Steak shit, yuck!" -Amy
"That's why the Greeks were remembered. It's not that they were the smartest people, it's that they documented their work." -Doc
"Feel my hair." -Rebecca's friend Suzanne
"Will I like it?" -me
"Listen, f--ker, it feels like a damn sheep!"
"Yeah, I have a flat ass. I have to wear low-cut shirts." -Rebecca
"Jagina! I-S-S-I-N-G!" -Iris on Gina's birthday
"Muhfeemakruckahmormick." -Snow with his mouth full
"My clock is thick? ...wait, what'd you say?!" -me
"I said, I'm eating a cracker and you're a dick." -Snow, once he could breathe again
"I'll watch for your boobs." -Tambryn, captain of opposing kickball team
"If it was supercritical, you would have known it already." -Dr. Petrovic
"I will not go through the derivation. If you feel very masochistic at some point, go through the textbook..." -Dr. Petrovic
"Is it going to be like Transformers when it transforms?" -Janel
"No..." -student
"I want Transformers, dammit!"
"I'm sort of opposed to pooping in the snow." -KmV
about beryllium:
"Isn't that very toxic?" -Frank
"It is, but I guess in fifties is ok." -Dr. Petrovic
"The only thing that makes karaoke better is nasty-ass strippers while you karaoke." -Dixey about Tuesdays at the Claremont
"Could you not use my hips as a pushing point next time?" -Gina
"When we first get a dog, it's gonna have to learn to lick toes, because we both love it... but not with each other!" -Rebecca
"Day ain't over until you spoon." -Hernando
"That's right." -Doc
*** Texts ***
Kestner: Question. Is Gina a vibrant young lady or an old hag?
Kestner: Maybe this might help u decide. Gina is trying to fart out her hiccups.
Mom: No shots pls.
Green: bar tonight: someone picked final countdown at least 5 times in a row. needless to say, I am READY for a wedding.
Sean: Awesome. Btw expect a small package in a few days
Sean: Oh and it's not me. Wanted to clarify.
Green: momma wants to get her hate on.
KatWhilePregnant: Pushups, yeah no. I'm fat now
Green: my god, i just audibly gasped. tell it i love it. it never even calls me by my name.
RyanE: I am so aroused and disgusted.
Snow: Dude if the LHC destroys the world I firmly believe it's somehow your fault. This is actually my game plan for all cataclysmic events.
KmV: My penis is the hammer.
Green: that poor orphan I packed into checked luggage. he must be so frightened and lonely. in related news: why the hell did I do that?
posted by DCrowley at 10:35 PM
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